Note: This post is slightly complicated as it might make you laugh, or get you offended, whatever be the case, please don't take it seriously.
This isn't a judgemental post, It was written to appeal to your sense of humour.
The church building is a place of fellowship for some persons, while for other persons, It's a place for other uses. We're going to list out the various kinds of people in the church and their behavior.
Below are some kinds of worshippers you meet in church on Sunday
1. The Warriors
This category consists of the persons who come to church to settle a beef with a fellow church brethren by throwing punches and chairs. They spend the day before Sunday training heavily, they engage in Krav Maga, some Spetsnaz, and special forces routine while staring at the photo of their target pinned to the wall, in front of them. They spend the whole night training till morning and On Sunday, the Warriors come to the church dressed like John Wick, they walk into the church like Roman Reigns stepping into the WWE ring, breathing like the hulk and waiting for the slightest opposition from anyone. Church workers are not also spared from their rage. they've got this "I just can't wait to be Home" attitude.
2. The Romeos
This set of persons consists of fresh-looking guys
They're in church just for the ladies, oh yes, I said it. They're around for the ladies, they don't mind joining any church department just to be close to a lady they admire. While worship is on and everyone's eyes are closed, It's showtime for the Romeos, They scan around the church congregation with their eyes wide open for ladies to add to their catalog of ladies. The Romeos have got some special abilities such as thermal vision and x-ray vision, Yes, they can see Through the clothes of women. That being said I guess I better take cover before the guys in this category come for me.
There are two ranks in the Romeo category
A. The Hunters
B. The fishermen
The Hunters
The men bearing this rank are focused on just one prize, they can hit their target from a different zip code. the moment they get their prize, they lay down their hunting rifle, these are the gentlemen who just want to settle down.
The Fishermen
The men in this category are just legendary.
While Jesus called us to be fishers of men, these guys are fishers of ladies only.
They operate with gigantic fishing trawlers they fit into their pockets while coming to church. They aim to catch as many fishes as possible. All kinds are welcome onboard their boats.
The Juliets
This set of people consists of beautiful ladies
They're in church just for the guys, oh yes, I said it. They're around for the guys, they don't mind joining any church department just to be close to a guy they admire. While worship is on and everyone's eyes are closed, It's showtime for the Juliets, They scan around the church congregation with their eyes wide open for guys to add to their catalog of guys. The Juliets can pinpoint the location of a guy on their watch list like a spy satellite locating terrorists in tough terrains.
The Juliets consists of two ranks
A. The simple Juliets
These set of ladies are the easy-going, they're properly dressed, polite and respectful. They're sincerely searching for a guy with good intentions at heart
B. The complicated Juliets
These set of ladies act like the name of their rank implies, they're as complicated as trying to cut down a tree with a razor blade, They dress to seduce the innocent men in the church, even the Pastors are not spared from their seductive tactics, they put on revealing outfits, sit at the front row just to confuse the man of God.. (Lord save our souls)... The complicated Juliets hand over offering envelopes, P.O.S, tithe cards along with a slip containing their phone number saying call me... God will deliver us from such tactics in Jesus' name.. Amen!
The Sleep Kings/Queens
This set of people are extremely skilled at sleeping in church, I don't know if it's the influence of evil spirits or its just a hobby. Whatever be the case, They get cheated of the sermon in the church by their sleeping habit. The experienced Kings in this kingdom come to church wearing dark shades to cover their sleeping eyes... At times this tactic does prove to be effective as they appear like Arnold Schwarzenegger the terminator on the outside, while behind the glasses they're fast asleep.
The "I'm only here for the freebies."
This category consists of people who are only around for the free stuff they can get in church, such free stuff includes free WiFi, coffee, food, free power outlets to charge their phones and laptops.
Those on this boat usually have no idea about what the church sermon was all about, some of them might be in church for some weeks and still not know the name of the church. ( You just asked yourself how is that even possible?. ... Ok, right now you're smiling.. )
To be continued...
Other categories include,
1 The professors
2 The genuine worshipers
3 The heavily sophisticated
4 The busy body.
I'll write on the above categories next Sunday,
God bless You,
Tags:
christian living